And you thought you were fat

 

   As we age, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
    So, we aren't heavy or overweight; instead we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy!
    Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I will think, "Good grief, look how smart I am!"